Broken Arrows

Psalm 127: 3-5

3Children are a heritage from the Lord,offspring a reward from him.4Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.5Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.They will not be put to shame


What really sealed the deal for me to gain entrance into Lindsey’s heart was my openness to having children. I will never forget the trembling when this text appeared on my phone while still in the B.K.* part of our journey. It blinked into existence on the screen of my iPhone5 and stared me in the face. The little photons on the screen.

Right. Then. I. Knew…………

The tiniest little bobber ever cast by a lonesome, hopeful fisherman just slipped beneath the surface of the water. My God I knew: This Was THE Moment……..It was all right there.

She had also cast the bait of her most precious longing toward me. Her desire for children was the greatest aspiration of her life. She had cast her line out many times to many men and had had some movement of the bobber. Sometimes it had even gone under the water, but when she tried to set the hook she would discover the fish had stolen her bait. She was left wondering if she would ever land the right guy who would make her happy and plump with a new life inside her. She was trusting her heart hoping to see something on the screen of her phone that would make her heart jump again to life.

It’s the indecisive fisherman that looses the fish and so it is in life. I knew the next few seconds of my life were some of the most important ones I would ever encounter. Here was the heart of a young woman, extended toward me, open and waiting for my reply. I had of course been thinking when would this relationship turn another corner.

We already knew by this time that we were making something almost magical happen between us. The mutual respect already growing very deep, the profound gratitude of making a new friend already shaping how we treated each other. The beginnings of an “US” made from our two hearts already displaying harmony as the bathroom project became something more than just a simple makeover of a space. It became part of the meta-story of US too. Where an ugly past that held us both back, got ripped out and piece by piece by cutting and fitting, by dreaming and design, by nail and intention became beautiful, useful, and fun.

My phone sat there in my hand and was lighting up possibilities. Illuminating a future with Lindsey Rae as a friend, as a lover, and as a wife. All Right There In That Moment.

The bobber slipped below the surface, the question was asked, her heart on the other end miles away was beating a bit quicker, waiting and hoping and longing for the correct reply.

My own heart was beating wildly now. I knew full well exactly what the next few seconds meant. The gravity of what she was asking me I knew and I was ready.

What started a few weeks earlier with her brokenhearted confession to KC about her breakup was now a hush, a pair of hearts communicating. My hopeful comment to KC just minutes later about making a run at this girl, which for me really meant I was opening My heart to just a possibility of something more than the casual friendship Lindsey and I already had was now at a super critical intersection. Our hands were each holding little devices that were brokering a possible course change for our lives.

I set the hook even though I was scared. Here is the actual text message exchange between us stripped of the emotions we both were feeling inside. We had been texting all day and night. This is just a snippet of that conversation. The date is April 28. The kiss was the nite of May 2.
kidos(here Lindsey’s text are on the left bubbles and mine on the right. I refer to a “spouse” here and it’s my first wife who abandoned the marriage after 7 years. Lastly “Army” is Lindsey’s little dog who though loving can be a real bossy monster)

In another conversation a few days later A.K. she asked me again about having children. By this time we were so deeply in love, so thrilled to have been brave enough to reach across the decades between us, so amazed at how we fit together. How easily we told each other very deep secrets and how we accommodated and preferred one another. I would have agreed to dang near anything to have Lindsey Rae be a permanent part of my life and was happy thinking how complete I would make her by giving her what she most desired.

She said to me a few days later trying to gauge my limits, ‘so can we have 5? Or what about 8 kids?’ She was laughing but there was steel and resolve in it too. I said “baby we can have as many as you can pay for!”

B.K. = Before Kiss and A.K. = After Kiss ;~)