Author name: John McFadden

I met Lindsey for the first time on August 5th 2013. Marie Wichmann is my friend Paul Wichmann’s younger sister. I have know Marie since she was 15 years old. Marie and Lindsey have known each other for years and are both nurses. Lindsey had just bought a duplex and moved into the first floor […]

Lindsey and I had been emailing and texting for a few weeks prior to this meeting. Writing about our experiences of owning property and the risk/reward of that and about my involvement with remodeling. We were getting to know one another on a more personal level as well even tho we had met a couple

A Year Ago Today March 18, 2014   A year ago today at 3:30pm was the first time I had seen Lindsey in since the previous Summer (2013). The occasion was to look at her bathroom in a little duplex she had bought in spring of 2013. Thru the fall and winter she would invite

So this blog is not in any kind of order really it is a stream of consciousness while I try and get thru this grief. So many days lately I am just more gutted than ever. But as I said to Lindsey one day very early on, “we don’t pout, we work the problem” I

He chuckled at the memory, and then, in the instant, tears were burning in his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. That was always the way of grief: laughter and tears, joy and sorrow. Almost from their first meeting they had been in love, deeply in love, and somehow sure of each other, too. They

It’s been 3 years of what could of,should of been joy. All I have left are ashes, memories and photographs. I wish I could say that I look back at these images with nothing but the joy contained in them. That is my goal every passing year. I have not achieved it yet. I am

Grief Rebutted                            Part 1 Romans 13: 8 Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another……………. The Sunday night before the morning that Lindsey died was the sweetest night of our love story. Not simply because it’s the last night of our marriage but because

1 Peter 1: 22Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart. 1 Peter 4: 8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.   Grief Rebutted Part 2              

Take out of your wasted honor Every little past frustration Take all your so called problems Better put them in quotations Say what you need to say………. Lyrics by John Mayer It has been over a year since I began this series of entries with the title: Grief Rebutted.  I think my reasons for sharing

*This blog entry is the first one and has been edited from my original status update on FaceBook about midnite December 10, 2014   Lindsey McFadden passed away on Monday December 8 at ~10:45am here in my arms in Cozumel, Mexico. Funeral arraignments are underway and we will have final details for the hundreds of

I was just thinking about a notion that C.S. Lewis offered in a book called The Four Loves and so I dug it out of my brain and googled it: Those who cannot conceive Friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elaboration of Eros betray the fact that they have never

1 Peter 4:8 “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. ” Lindsey tried to tell me a few times about her previous “history” which is code speak for her lovers and relationships. I am 52 so I know sometimes we might want to see if our past will

Amazing times we live in. I found Alejandra in my friends of friends list on FB. This is her account of Lindsey’s final day. It’s a tender 3rd person account of the horror and her response to what she witnessed and how she has been changed by Lindsey’s passing and our love that final morning.

During the process of being interviewed for the story that appeared on Valentines Day in the Pioneer Press, Molly Guthrie the writer asked me for tons of documents and accounts from friends etc. I asked my long time friend and co-best-man at my wedding, Richard Dahl to write his first hand account of what he

Her final chapter was one we wrote together. Where the dreams of her life coalesced into a beautiful present, full of love, joy, professional and academic accomplishment. The day she passed away we would have given her 2 week notice. A company in Texas she had 2 facetime interviews with on our honeymoon had decided

In so many ways I dreaded the fact of the arrival of this day. So now the entire circle of the sun has been made. I had already seen her in a casket after her autopsy and her prep for burial. I had them dress her in the clothes she had just worn on our

January 8, 2015 It’s been a month now since Lindsey passed away. I’m still in bad way and don’t really know when I will be better and frankly most of the time I wonder IF I will ever be better. I know this though I will never be the same. I learned a hard lesson

Grief is the envenomation of my heart by death It is poison coursing thru my bloodstream that works its way out of me thru moans, anguish, tears and sorrow. Death is an affront to all my sensibilities. I will never ever be comfortable with any aspect of it. I have no fear of it because

Psalm 127: 3-5 3Children are a heritage from the Lord,offspring a reward from him.4Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.5Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.They will not be put to shame   What really sealed the deal for me to gain entrance into Lindsey’s

Grief. The saddest state of human-ness. The base narcissistic curled up fetal position miserable pain in which I find myself scares me and calls me to question every feeling and motive that stirs in my heart. I feel guilty to be alive. Then feel indited to feel that way. If I find a moment where

  Solace in the Studio When I arrived in Florida at the studio, upon entering the “Compound” as we lovingly refer to this enormous space, I was greeted by Mark and Kathy in a 3 way embrace and a prayer was spoken. I broke down in tears as did we all. There is grief for

The work continues on the final resting place for Lindsey Quite a few issues were encountered and problems had to be solved. Mark has done an amazing job and it has been a pleasure to be able to assist. There is a rhythm to Craft that when it’s going right is like a dance. Being

Lindsey’s Easter Vessel Jesus’ last words were: “It. Is. Finished.” Mark and I did not plan it out this way, but as so many things since Lindsey died it seems amazing that we completed the work this Easter day. It is finished. This morning we buffed the vessel and spent many hours searching out the

Luke 10:25-37 The Parable of the Good Samaritan 25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?” 26 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” 27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your

A picture is worth a thousand words it has been said, well here are a thousand pictures at least that leave me speechless. Thank you to Joe Peterson for your amazing work to set these to our music. The songs were some of our favorites with the lead one by John Legend being our favorite: